One of the reasons we decided on the name "Hope" because we were "hoping" she would stay.......
Yesterday was our daughter Hope’s birthday. Hope was born 2 years ago and she stayed with us for a very short time. I won’t share all the details because frankly there are so many.
But basically the story goes........
I became pregnant with Hope September 2005. After a month or so I had reoccurring thoughts and feelings that something was different about this pregnancy, something was different about this baby. In January of 2006 we had found out we were having a girl, Keros and I were completely shocked. We thought we could only have boys after having Isaac and Tate!
During my whole pregnancy my body began to slowly fail me. My doctors suspected preeclampsia…symptoms are swelling; sudden weight gain, headaches and changes in vision and feeling crummy. I went to a doctor appointment late January and my midwife found a bunch of other things going wrong with my body and told me to go directly to the hospital and admit myself to the maternity ward. I stayed in the maternity ward for a week and went though lots of tests and what I call lots of other hard and sad things. I then got to go home for a week and be on bed rest. My sister Heather came to help out with our children and be a nurse to me. Then after visiting the doctor days later and then returning home again, I received a call that my test results showed that things were getting worse and I needed to return to the hospital and was told that I would need to stay there until my baby was born. My body was doing too many crazy things that I won’t go into details about. The next morning they took some blood tests and told me that I needed to be induced into labor, because if I didn’t now, then there wouldn’t be a very good chance of survival for me a few days down the road. So later that evening our beautiful baby girl was born at 25 weeks old. She was 1lb 10 oz. She cried and moved and was immediately taken to the NICU. She was with us only a short 3 hours and returned back to our Heavenly Father. Keros and I were devestated. Keros and I did get to spend a short time with her, and hold her, and kiss her good bye. I will never forget it. Sometimes I can picture the whole scene in my head like I am watching a movie. It was so hard.
I later spent another week in the hospital because I kept having problems with my body. After much prayers and blessings it was a miracle that I was able to be released to go home and attend Hope’s funeral.
Those days in the hospital were times of sadness but great comfort and support from family and friends and especially our Heavenly Father. He helped me through it all and he still continues to help and comfort me and my family. We later found out that Hope had "triploidy syndrome" and if anyone doesn’t know what that is…feel free to google it. Triploidy syndrome causes a lot of health problems to the mother as well as the baby.......
I became pregnant with Hope September 2005. After a month or so I had reoccurring thoughts and feelings that something was different about this pregnancy, something was different about this baby. In January of 2006 we had found out we were having a girl, Keros and I were completely shocked. We thought we could only have boys after having Isaac and Tate!
During my whole pregnancy my body began to slowly fail me. My doctors suspected preeclampsia…symptoms are swelling; sudden weight gain, headaches and changes in vision and feeling crummy. I went to a doctor appointment late January and my midwife found a bunch of other things going wrong with my body and told me to go directly to the hospital and admit myself to the maternity ward. I stayed in the maternity ward for a week and went though lots of tests and what I call lots of other hard and sad things. I then got to go home for a week and be on bed rest. My sister Heather came to help out with our children and be a nurse to me. Then after visiting the doctor days later and then returning home again, I received a call that my test results showed that things were getting worse and I needed to return to the hospital and was told that I would need to stay there until my baby was born. My body was doing too many crazy things that I won’t go into details about. The next morning they took some blood tests and told me that I needed to be induced into labor, because if I didn’t now, then there wouldn’t be a very good chance of survival for me a few days down the road. So later that evening our beautiful baby girl was born at 25 weeks old. She was 1lb 10 oz. She cried and moved and was immediately taken to the NICU. She was with us only a short 3 hours and returned back to our Heavenly Father. Keros and I were devestated. Keros and I did get to spend a short time with her, and hold her, and kiss her good bye. I will never forget it. Sometimes I can picture the whole scene in my head like I am watching a movie. It was so hard.
I later spent another week in the hospital because I kept having problems with my body. After much prayers and blessings it was a miracle that I was able to be released to go home and attend Hope’s funeral.
Those days in the hospital were times of sadness but great comfort and support from family and friends and especially our Heavenly Father. He helped me through it all and he still continues to help and comfort me and my family. We later found out that Hope had "triploidy syndrome" and if anyone doesn’t know what that is…feel free to google it. Triploidy syndrome causes a lot of health problems to the mother as well as the baby.......
Our beliefs are that children who die in infancy are special spirits that are able to come to earth and gain a body and then return back to Heavenly Father and fulfill a different type of mission than we do here on earth. We also believe that we will see her again and she will have her body once again and be perfect.
I am sad that Isaac and Tate didn’t get to spend any time with her in the hospital. Isaac had prayed for a sister and was completely saddened by the whole event. But both boys know of her and talk about her often. We also know that Hope watches out for them from a Heavenly distance. These past few years the tears have come less and less but our love for Hope continues to grow.
Celebrating Hope 2007
Celebrating Hope 2008
Yesterday we spent most of the day in Woodburn where she is buried. We visited her grave site and brought her flowers. Then, with extended family, a pan of brownies ,and candles lit we sang "Happy Birthday"to her. It was the most beautiful day. No clouds in the sky and the sun shown so warmly on our faces. I absolutely loved it. Happy Birthday Hope! We miss you, we love you…..
We will be thinking of the day when we will see you again………..
11 comments:
Amber, Thanks for sharing Hope's story. You are a strength and example to me.
Happy Birthday, Hope.
Jen
I feel such special feelings reading and remembering some of the events of Hope's birth. Thanks for sharing, Amber. We love you, too, Hope! Happy Birthday! So sorry we missed the celebration.
Amber, you are such a strong and amazing woman. I'm am very blessed to know you. I can't believe it has been 11 years since we have seen each other. I still feel so close to you and Heidi. Thank you for keeping in touch and being a friend. You inspire me all the time.
Hi Amber,
I found your blog through connections in the Farmington ward! I'm so glad! Now we can keep in touch! Your kids have gotten so big, and I was so inspired reading Hope's story. Thanks for sharing. It was nice to run in to you at JoAnn's the other night. I hope things are going well for you and your family.
Love,
Kim Hancock
Thank you so much for telling me about Hope. I always wanted to know more but didn't want to push because I knew your feelings were tender. I am so glad you are keeping her memory alive.
WOW! What an awesome thing it is to be able to celebrate her, and all she brings to your family! Thanks for sharing! Love, Jen K
Amber,
I think you are the most amazing and greatest person...Thanks for sharing....I just love your family....I'am sooo happy that I have gotten to know you and I consider you a wonderful friend...
Melissa
This was a very touching blog to read. I am glad you posted your feelings and allowed yourself to remember that hard time. I have no concept of what you have been through, Amber. But I admire your strength and your own hope for others and your future! You are an amazing example to me and I know you're a very talented and honest mom, wife and woman. Thank you for sharing your tender feelings with others. It's helps us as well as you! You make me happy!
Thanks everyone for your nice comments- A
I'm really grateful that you can share your experiences for all of us. You are an example of a true and righteous women!
Amber,
I am so glad that I found your blog. I really enjoyed reading Hope's story. You and your family are an inspiration to me and mine. We're sorry we missed the celebration. So, we want to wish Hope a Happy Birthday as well, even though we're a little late.
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